American Idol – Long Beach

I tried to be extra tame in the San Antonio review because I’m full of spite and blah about the Long Beach auditions. There are many reasons, none of which technically involve them being on a boat, but really, I seem to recall a lot of terrible episodes on a boat. Why did they ever decide this was a good place to hold auditions? Is it some kind of support our troops thing? I mean, I don’t see them going onto a base, or maybe like, Tikrit to hold auditions. They don’t even really show a lot of soldiers auditioning in general – yes, I realize there was one on this particular episode (I feel like I remember a handful of service members making it through but they could’ve been firefighters or something. I honestly don’t recall).

I digress. There are way more things to talk about than being on a boat.

Ok, here’s the first thing I wanna  talk about. Her name is Stephanie. AKA The Screamer. I think you all remember her from last night, yes?


Yeah, the screamer. Ok, so I remembered her too. Except it wasn’t from American Idol. It was from X Factor.

sanson xf

And it turns out, that wasn’t her only other reality show performance. She was on America’s Got Talent as well!

sanson AGT

Every time a little different and yet, every time exactly the same. And therein lies what I hate about them featuring her on the show. Ok, so I know you do your due diligence. I know you, yes you faceless producers, check out all your contestants to see what they have going on. So what on Earth possesses you to show someone who’s not only been on 2 other reality competitions, but did literally the exact same thing EVERY.FREAKING.TIME. It’s the most unoriginal of the many unoriginal things you’ve done! I don’t mind you having people on that have tried out for other shows, but at least have them be the good ones, and not the shitty schticky ones. I don’t even want to say anything else about this girl so just check out some funny twitter comments and lets all be done with her. I mean that for all TV shows. I hope you’re listening networks!


Oh also, follow-up to crazy, we all noticed the fire alarm went off on the ship after Crazy walked out of her audition. I can’t decide if it’s because: a) she pulled the fire alarm, b) she set a fire, or c) her head exploded and caught something on fire. Is it possible to be all of the above?

The other person I didn’t like, who also happened to appear on another reality show, was Matheus. This guy was on the first season of the Glee Project and I hated him them as much as I hate him now. It really has nothing to do with his singing. I think he has a fine voice. HOWEVER, he has one of the worst attitudes. He shouldn’t be sympathized for how short he is because it doesn’t matter how tall you are if you’re a dick. And this guy was. At least twitter agreed with me.


If this guy makes it though Hollywood week I’ll not only be shocked, I’ll be super pissed. I can only hope he ends up fighting with someone in group week and they kick him off the show. That’s my ideal scenario. Not to mention, you already had someone sing A Change is Gonna Come earlier that same evening. Did we really need to hear it again? I know I’m writing about Matheus before I write about the soldier but in my notes where I wrote about the soldier, which was first, I was talking about how I was so over this song. For the record, Syesha Mercado still has the best version of this song that’s been sung on Idol. I digress.

I think that’s all I hated about this episode, so lets get to talking about the people I liked. Some more than others.

Shubha Vedula – Somethings Got a Hold on Me – Points for best name of the night, and points to Randy for offending all of Shubha’s family. God I hate you, Randy. I mean, you feel bad for the chick that gets bullied, and then make fun of a girl for her “weird name”. Way to go ass hole. Also I found this little YouTube gem on twitter that’s worth checking out! Something tells me she’ll do better than the Turbinator. She sounds like someone you might find on Glee so maybe if she doesn’t make it on Idol she can find a home on the Glee Project or something. But I hope she finds a home on Idol.

Micah Johnson – Chicken Fried – What is it with these speech impediment guys getting me so emotional? Between him and the kid with the stutter, wow. I just feel so much empathy towards them. Way more than what I feel towards like, the single moms or the bullied kids. Anyway, this guy was great and most definitely one of my favorites! Sob story aside, I think. I dunno. It’s hard to tell if emotions effect who you pick when you do connect with their story, you know?

Rachel Hale – People Get Ready – My only comment for this girl was “pretty good”. I think I’ll leave it at that for now. Well, that’s where I would’ve left it. Except my boy, Michael Slezak said she was the best audition so I’m wondering if I was just bored/not paying attention/yelling for my wet dogs to get off my bed? You never know. I re-watched the audition this morning and it was good. I do remember liking her accent a lot. Yeah, she was pretty good. Michael, you’re so smart. Why do I ever doubt you?

And now for the ok’s.

Matt Farmer – A Change is Gonna Come – This song is one that scares me when guys say they are going to sing it (because A: I’ve heard it 100 times and B: the best person to sing it was a chick – see above). Matt sang it well but I don’t think we’ll be seeing this papa after the Hollywood week is through.

Jesaiah Baer – Settle Down/ Doobee doobee doo – I felt bad  that this girls lovely/quirky audition got interrupted by fire alarm, but really I didn’t love her performance, or her. She was ok, don’t get me wrong, she just didn’t give me quirky the way I like it, ala Megan Joy Corkrey.

Briana Oakley – Up to the Mountain – She was ok but mostly a little meh to me. I still love MamaSox performance of this song. She’s the epitome for me. In fact, let’s just wrap up this whole thing with that performance, shall we? It’s a nice note to end on.

Categories: American Idol, Television | Leave a comment

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