American Idol – If You Have Nothing Bad to Say, Become a Judge

So who was everyone’s guesses for who the mystery guy they’d bring on to be the mystery man? Mine was David Leathers, Jr. and I was pretty sure I was right. Imagine my surprise when my love, Jermaine Jones strutted his baritone loveliness through those doors. I was so beyond happy! Never would I have thought it would be him. I told myself as long as it wasn’t Cowboy Guy, I’d be happy, but I was more than happy!!

I was also hoping that they’d discuss Jennifer Lopez’ questionable nip-slip from the Oscars to prove this show was live. Seeing her look right at the camera and start yelling “There was no nipple” was awesome (I didn’t see it either Jen. I thought you looked hot). Something more awesome though, was Steven Tyler on Kimmel last night, analyzing the possibility of the nip slip and whether or not there was one in his opinion. Here, watch the uncomfortableness for yourself. I think you’ll enjoy it.

Now that the show is over, I’m going to assume that the judges just decided, Let’s not say a single bad thing about tonights performances. We’ll just talk up all the reasons we loved these kids and let the fans pick their favorites. And they stayed true to that motto for all but two people and even for Heejun and Eben, they weren’t the worst critiques I’ve ever heard, if you can even call “Not the right song for you” a critique. I was ok with their lack of real “judgment” on this round though. This is the first time we all get to hear every contestant, without anyone getting skipped or the 10 second montage treatment. It’s opinion forming time!

This was also the first time in my years of Idol watching, that I voted (Online. I’m still not committed enough to call, or text). I always thought you had to pay to vote. Last year I was corrected on that fact. This year when facing the contemplation of “To Vote or Not to Vote” I thought to myself something I often say to people when discussing politics:

“You can’t complain if you didn’t vote”

And voting is important. Informed voting is important. I don’t like voting for people on a lark. That annoys the hell out of me. And while I wish some of my younger family members would realize that this means I want them to become informed voters, and not that I don’t think they should vote, maybe leading by example will get my message across. Let me just get down off my pulpit now. Sorry to get political on y’all. Let’s get to what we came here for, the Top 13!  I’ve bolded my personal Top 5 (and my wild card)

1. Reed Grimm – So your town is famous for cheese curds, and you’re from WI? Wow. Shocker. Does he have a lisp that I was unaware of up to this point? As for Reeds Moves Like Jagger – I like his take on the song, but I’m glad Adam Levine didn’t sing it like that. This was good but fun and exciting, it was not. I’m not going to say I didn’t like this performance because it was enjoyable the longer it went on, but seeing him play in his band, I wish his band was famous because that seems to be where he belongs. It just looks like he’s right, there. Also, in case you were wondering what Reeds band sounds like, here’s a little example of  Shoeless Revolution. He’d be my 6th pick but I’m not picking  him for my Wild Card because personally, I have a feeling he’ll get enough votes without my help.

2. Adam Brock – “Jack of all trades, master of none” – that’s one of my favorite quotes. I feel like that when it comes to arts and crafts. I digress. Let’s talk about Think. I would like to see him only sing songs by black female singers. I think it could be a good theme for him, but I don’t think we’ll be seeing dear Adam after this evening. I wanted him to do well based on past auditions, but I’m a realist; and honestly, his performance isn’t what I want to talk about. I noticed he was trying to take a tip from Mr. Brad Goreski and add a little P.O.C. via some brightly colored handkerchief of sorts that turned out to be a.. ugh… a terrible towel… Really? God I hope Pittsburgh doesn’t get out the vote tonight. Also, and most importantly if he does make it through, he needs to drop White Chocolate. Drop it now before Randy forgets your real name. That’s almost reason enough for me to not want you in the Top 5.

3. DeAndre Brackensick – Can I just leave the people that genuinely like DeAndre to talk for me? I’m not going to say many nice things and there are plenty of people who love him so if you’re one of them, here, read this, or call Jennifer Lopez. I think JLo love him because he reminds her of her former Fly Girl era. How is he the most commercial guy though, Randy? God you’re an idiot. I mean, no one sounds like him that’s out there now so maybe that’s something but I just don’t get it at all. At all. When I see him, I just see a cross between a Milli Vanilli, specifically the guy on the right; or the guy who played young adult Simba in the Lion King when I saw it at the Hippodrome.

4. Colton Dixon (Top 5) – Colton scared me when he said he was going to change it up a bit from his piano player M.O. Then he started… at the piano? I don’t get it but I like that you’re at the piano so I’m not saying anything bad. Zack and I, in our infinite disagreements with Randy, think Colton, and not DeAndre, is the most marketable of the lot, despite not loving your song choice of Decode by Paramore. I also think that if he’d been a contestant the year Adam Lambert was on, he would’ve done better. I only say this because I think he’s a little more parent friendly (an unknown demographic to the youngun’s watching Idol but trust me they exist) They like him for protecting/being upset about his sister, and because he’s a slightly more PG version of Glambert who they wanted to like because theylovedBill Idol. I agree with JLo that he’s already an artist that you want to hear on the radio. He’ll have a hundred female fans a minute calling in, if not a million. How many votes do these kids usually get, anyway? Hundreds of Thousands?

5. Jeremy “JerBear” Rosado – I really like this kid. He just seems like the nice kid. I’m gonna try not to be too attached because when he went for that belter note on Gravity, he just didn’t hit it the way I wanted that note to sound, I could see him getting cut, but I will appreciate the moments I have with him. I did feel it though when JLo said, “He’s the type of singer that when they open their mouth, they effect people,” but I think she meant “He’s the type ofperson,” not singer.

6. Aaron Marcellus (Top 5) – I like this kids look, I like his voice, and I kind of like that he takes dance lessons too. I don’t know how many times I heard him sing all by himself but I’m glad I can listen to him now. I dig everything about him. I like that he’s not trying to sing like Michael Jackson jamming out to Never Can Say Goodbye, but he’s still totally rockin’. He has me almost tongue tied talking to Zack, who also agrees he’s a Top 5-er. Zack thinks he’s just the tops, period.

7. Chase Likens – Points to him for not singing Take me Home, Country Roads. However, he sang a song I didn’t know (Storm Warning) by a guy I’ve never heard of (Hunter Hayes), and I feel like for not hearing him much, he’s not making me want to hear him anymore. I just didn’t like the performance. It has nothing to do with country. It might have everything to do with going right after Aaron. He doesn’t seem like he has the power in his voice. He doesn’t have the performer, which is ironic for a theater major. He doesn’t seem like he’s enjoying himself like some of the others have enjoyed themselves on stage. He’s a little bit of a wet rag. One thing though, he has beautiful eye lashes. The boys always do. Jerks. Maybe he’s wearing mascara. I’ll keep telling myself that.

8. Creighton Fraker (Top 5) – This kid creeped me out in previous episodes. I don’t wanna hate on his look and whatnot but he’s a little on the weird side to me. What’s with his love of bizarre glasses? I definitely don’t get those things. And he has a mullet. If Karofsky and Kurt from Glee had a kid, it might be Creighton Fraker (and if he was Karofsky and Kurts kid, I’d have to love him. Luckily I have no ties to Flotsam and Jetsam). I do love True Colors though. And Cyndi Lauper for that matter. I can feel his emotion in it, all the things I didn’t like about him are… slowly melting away… becoming endearing… the mullet isn’t so bad… ok I kind of like him. More than the last one for sure. More than Reed maybe… I can feel the swoon coming on. It’s not there yet though. 

9. Phil Phillips (Wild Card) – This is a good kid. Idol has a lot of good kids this year, and I do appreciate the lack of assholes, but it makes it extra hard to pick when I don’t hate a lot of them. His rendition of I Can Feel It Coming in the Air Tonight is pretty cool but it’s really dreadfully slow. I wish it would pick up a little bit. It’s like Johnny Cash’s version of Hurt but not quite as good. It’s not really a crowd pleaser. I thought Phillip would go home in the last round of cuts. I do think that Steven is right in that he has a voice that doesn’t fit in with the idea of doing covers very well, and that he’s a bit of a DMB in the making.

10.  Eben Franckewitz – If you wanna talk about a kid I don’t like, for absolutely no fault of his own, it’s this kid. I hate to hate people without knowing them, or anything about them, but it’s a bad habit I have. Sometimes the look of people just turns me off and this is one of those kids. I’m not going to give stupid pedantic reasons for not liking him because I think that would be worse than of my current “I don’t know why, I just don’t” reason. Then I heard him singing Adele’s Set Fire to the Rain…. Listen Eben, if you want to sound like a bad singer, sing an Adele song. It’s so hard to sound good compared to her. One thing that does make me laugh about this kid, is that I thought he was a pretty short kid, and he’s as tall as Ryan Seacrest, so I guess he is a little person.

11. Heejun Han  (Top 5)– The man I’ve been waiting for. His Mom, I’m in love! I just love  you Heejun. I will cry if you don’t make it through, know that. He really reminds me of Anoop from a few seasons ago. Cute, funny, a crooner of sorts. I just love him. He could totally be in a boy band, too. I mean, Robbie Williams started in Take That, I think Heejun could too and his version of Angels only confirms it for me. Voice as smooth as silk, excellent comment JLo. There’s no denying that you can blow? Possibly not your best review. If there’s one thing I can ask for the judges (since Randy finally seems to be taking the “Lay off the damn dawgs PLEASE” to heart) please please stop using the song Hey Jude for his name. It’s so dumb. Please make it through Heejun. I promise I shall vote for you sir (and I did, you’re welcome).

12. Joshua Mantasia Ledet – This kid I didn’t like at first but he grew on me by the time he was picked for the Top 24. I still don’t love his weird facial expressions but if you pull a Steven and just close your eyes and listen, You Pulled Me Through was noticably swoonworthy. Small case of the Lusks, as I mentioned before, but still good in his “Minister through my music” kind of way.

And the mystery 13th person is… JERMAINE!!! My sexy panty melter, Jermaine Jones (Top 5). He’s just so massively adorable in a perfect teddy bear way. I just love him so much. So much! I also love that sitting down, he’s still taller than Ryan. As for singing Luther Vandross’ Dance with my Father, what a perfect song for Jermaine to sing. Please sing Barry White if you come back Jermaine because after Luther that HAS to be next. I voted for you the most just in case you were wondering. And if you don’t make it through, can  we make a personal plea for you to just be on Oprah now? Can she just hire you to sing for her wherever she is? I feel like that would be a great job for him. She loved Luther Vandross. Come on!!

Categories: American Idol, Television | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “American Idol – If You Have Nothing Bad to Say, Become a Judge

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