American Idol – Where the Women Instinctively Flock Like the Salmon of Capistrano

Minus the cold and all that white stuff on the ground that I claim to hate (really I just hate having to drive to and from work in it), all the stuff I see just makes me think, I have got to go to Aspen. It looks soooo pretty! Although I know it’s a celebrity haven which probably means it’s out of my price range. I’m glad that Idol went there though. The talent was just unusual enough to be enjoyable, but overall, this episode didn’t really do anything for me. When I was writing my notes I noticed I said that about 3 of the contestants. Which in an hour long show is practically half.

Let’s start with the 3 aforementioned “didn’t do anything for me” people… I’ll try to keep it brief.

Jenny Schick – Hello Ms. Music Teacher. I wanted to like you when you said you hated recorders. I’ve always hated recorders. True story, in 3rd grade I was kicked out of recorder for not paying attention. Bitch. Me? Not pay attention? Come on! I can’t put my finger on why but this chick just wasn’t doing anything for me (1). Actually I can, it’s that tattoo on her leg. That’s it. After hearing her sing, I like her song choice, I thought she was pretty good but I’m guessing when Steven was writing his notes afterwards they didn’t include anything about her being the next American Idol. I’m guessing it was more along the lines of “Rhyming with Schick”. Has anyone else noticed how many notes he takes? It’s a lot. More than the other two that I’m aware of. Unless maybe he’s just doodling. I would need to have a doodle pad for sure if I was one of those judges.

Jairon Jackson – He’s got some issues in his upper register but wow was he so much better than I thought he’d be. His original song didn’t really do anything for me (2) and I can’t see him making it passed Hollywood week but I think he’s good enough to go there. I guess…

Angie Zeiderman… Angie Angie Angie… I think she’s one of those “love her or hate her” kind of people…  and for me it’s almost some kind of moral dilemma here. She’s got a great voice, but she’s so weird. She reminds me of that weird girl that kept auditioning (until she got hit by a truck). I feel bad saying that because of my Ali Shields love. Ali isn’t as good a singer as this girl, but her weirdness was quirky and adorable. This girl is like a terrifying Gaga wannabe, and just… it seems like more of a gimmick than anything else where Ali’s weirdness seems more authentic. I guess if you are going to let one in, you have to let both in, but she definitely doesn’t do anything for me (3), and the Swedish accent thing she was doing When You Got It, Flaunt It… I’m with J.Lo, I like a showtune as much as the next girl, but she was just a mess. And the second song she sang did her no favors.

Let’s move on to the rough ones… which will not include Magic Cyclops because he belongs in his own very special category all by himself. Nope, I’m actually only going to mention one person here. And her name is Tealana. Sweet ugly duckling Tealana. Let me just get it out there – I hate your nose ring so so much. There is no visible piercing in the world worse than that bull ring thing. I wonder why you live in your sisters shadow? Allow me to take a few guesses… is it round, silver, and stuck in your nose? Is it yellow, in one piece and reminiscent of Big Bird? Is it the wretched sounds that came out of your mouth? Is it because you’re a bitch to your sister who loves you and tries to make you feel better after getting voted off? Let’s go with D, all of the above.

I don’t know if I’ve been missing the horribles but I have to say the montage of them was pretty good. I laughed so hard with that beatboxing girl.

Ok now to the good stuff… from bottom to top…

Curtis Gray – Hello sleepy face. Are you sure you’re from Florida? I feel like I heard South Boston. Seriously, you could’ve been in Good Will Hunting. I wanted to like him but I really thought his voice sounded kind of nasaly. To be honest when he was just play singing outside before he went up to audition, he sounded so much better. It’s really the only reason I think you should go through. I checked out a few youtube videos of him singing in what looked like random bars, and I liked his song selection there, a lot more (ie – play that funky music).

Shelby – ok I get that bi-polar is a problem, but in Hollywood, trust me kid, you’ll be amongst your people. I’m pretty sure you can’t be famous unless you’ve suffered some kind of bi-polar disorder at some point in your life. The good thing is, she’s got a great voice, she seems super sweet and a little Taylor Swift-esque (I feel like she may’ve had a few bullying problems in her past that she could write her feelings about in song), and she’s really pretty. I hope she does well, and I hope she continues to take her medicine.

And my favorite of the night, Haley Smith. I love a free spirit (ala Brooke White) and her little line about the 70’s, “I really do enjoy that era of music” – what an adorable little hippy. I wasn’t sure about her voice though. Hearing it made me really question if I liked her. I rewound and listened again, and then again and I have to say it, I really like her. I thought her yelling was weird at first but upon the second and third listen, I kind of love it. She looks like some kind of Steven Tyler/Janis Joplin lovechild. It’s funny how J.Lo said she looks more comfortable with music around her. Remember Sunday, when I said Steven Tyler wouldn’t have sounded terrible if his band was with him, I totally feel that way about this girl too, except that I already think this girl sounds better than Steven. She was born to be in front of a band. Final verdict – I like you chickey poo.

Finally, I’d be remiss to not mention Magic Cyclops.

“There’s a Storm-a-brewin and it’s Magic Cyclops”


“Nobody talks to me because I’m frightening and look homeless”


He definitely created this magical creature, right? I mean, he’s given this a lot of thought, this isn’t just how he is. This is like, a guy in character. I have to believe that. It was just too weird to be natural. If anything I think he was on the show to get his face out there, more than anything else. I mean, James Buffet? I love it. At least J.Lo got it. Randy, you’re an idiot. I hope you stay in the freaking bathroom for the rest of the audition process. I will always have more bad things to say about you than anyone that will ever try out on this show… except maybe Sanjaya. I have to say though, I think during his audition, I could see Steven Tyler thinking, this guy could be pretty fun best friend. And then it kind of looked like they were walking out together… possibly to venture back to Magic’s VW van? He was almost like a Scooby Doo character or something. It was a great way to end the night for sure.

All in all a good episode and like always, I’m looking forward to the next city!

Categories: American Idol, Television | Leave a comment

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